“Arrival”: When boring humans meet boring aliens

 

Title: Arrival

Cast: Amy Adams, Jeremy Lee

Director: Denis Villeneuve

Genre: Sci-fi Drama

Running time: 116 minutes

The Plot: It’s shit. Here is how :

If there was an award for the most boring alien movie, ever made in the history of mankind, “Arrival” would have definitely bagged it. I never saw the trailer for this one and that may have saved me the 116 minutes of torture that I endured.

The movie starts with ‘Louise’ played by Amy, day dreaming about her future kid Hannah. The kid grows up and dies of cancer. Sad story. Boom! We are taken back to the present day, where the non-parent, Louise is some language specialist cum teacher at some school/college in the US. Now, everyone is going gaga over a suspected alien visit except Louise who looks totally uninterested like, ‘been there, done that, don’t give a fuck anymore’. The movie succeeds in portraying all teachers as boring, depressed, suicidal zombies in people suit. Anyhow, it is soon revealed that the aliens have landed on our planet in some sort of weird, giant dinosaur egg things all over the world except in India. Thanks to Hollywood, we Indian knows that if something cool like alien invasion is gonna happen, it’s gonna happen in the USA and never in India.  You hate us. We get it. We are never going to get that emergency holiday. Yay us! 😛

Word of advise: Don't go to movie that has a poster like this :P
Word of advise: Don’t go to a movie that has a poster like this

Louise gets called in to talk to these aliens.  Then you see Forest Whitkar who plays a military guy . He picks up Louise in his helicopter and you kind of hope that at least the rest of the movie might be good. She meets ‘Ian’, played by Jeremy Lee who is part of the team trying to talk to the aliens. As they get to the field where the alien capsule/ spaceship is parked, you are hoping for something cool or scary. They enter the zero gravity zone inside the alien spaceship. And just like really horrible sex, the movie takes you to an orgasmic high of suspense with the anticipation of something epic that’s gonna happen, and then completely and utterly drops you into a huge pile of disappointment.

If you don't like some one, make them watch this movie
If you don’t like some one, make them watch this movie

Meet the aliens! Even more boring than the humans. Did I mention, they look like giant octopuses floating in some white gas? Occasionally, they squirt some gooey black ink. That’s their fucking language. Genius! Louise and Ian figure the patterns out. Meanwhile her daydreams gets more vivid and weird. The other countries particularly the Chinese get antsier waiting to figure out what the aliens really want. Many people think of the aliens as a threat and want to blow them up. The aliens do nothing to help. They travel millions of light years away to a new planet and don’t even step out of their god damn gassy space ship. They just float around in white gas, squirt ink and try to talk to two of the most boring people on earth.

Nice. You squirt ink. What else?
Nice. You squirt ink. What else?

Louise & Ian narrowly escape an attempt to blow up the spaceship. That explosion is just about the only thing that might wake you up during the entire movie. Louise wakes up in the army tent where everyone is ready to close shop and blow up the whole place. Quite predictably, our language lady is actually seeing into the future thanks to the alien language. FYI, all the stuff she saw about the kid and making out with Ian. That never happened. She just daydreamed the entire stuff, apparently without weed or alcohol.

When you are high af
When you are high af

Determined to know why they really came, Louise goes back to the alien capsule that now looks like it’s about to take off or something. The aliens send her a mini capsule to get her to the bigger ship where she meets the gassy octopuses, up close. Having figured out their purpose was to gift the ability to see future through language, she rushes back to stop the humans from attacking them. Ian helps her steal a sat phone to call the Chinese guy who wants to nuke everything. With her alien language ability, she foresees the future, calls the general and saves the aliens who just leave. No thank you. No hugs. No action. No tentacle sex. Nothing. The End.

My verdict for the movie? Even an episode of Stranger things is a zillion times better than this movie. I recommend you watch the movie if you have trouble falling asleep and need some light or white noise in the background. Don’t believe me? Here is the trailer:

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2 comments

  1. I totally agree. It’s a boring, slow, stupid movie. i was not even able to watch the whole thing. I think that people who say they liked it are afraid to admit that it’s a boring nonsense. Brainwashing obviously works…

    Like

  2. Yup, people who like it, mostly don’t admit the obvious flaws. The weirdest response I got from one of the fans, was that “It was a very intellectual movie, so it can afford to be dead slow, non entertaining and bla bla”.Smart movies are not boring. It is the bad ones that are boring.

    Like

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